Finally! Our 1st year anniversary! I've waited for this day for a long time. I'm estatic. Loss for words to describe how I'm feeling now. All I know is that I'm feeling a sense of achievement. He has been the one who is patient with me. Tolerating my mood swings, bad-temperness, wackings, in addition, bittings from me. But he has his fair share of bullying too. I've truly enjoy the moments spent with him. Truly. Dear, I love you.

Listening to Hilary Duff, Fly and Come Clean. Feeling moody now. Blasting the speakers aways. Dear just told me over messenger that he won't be able to spend much time with me. I guess I've been gearing myself for this confirmation for some time. I guess this is what they mean by the loneliness when your boyfriend is in the army. It's the holidays for me now. Took up General Elective, Manage Your Career Development, so as to clear my subjects as fast as possible, and part of the reason is that so I won't feel alone. Yeah I know. I still have friends right? But they have their own lives to lead. Doesn't mean that I'm free, they're free.

I guess no one can understand how I feel unless they've been through it before. It's not that I'm so totally dependent on my boyfriend. It's just that, I only get to see him one day, out of 7 days. To be exact, less than a day if you count the hours. On Saturdays, we usually meet around evening time, around 4 pm, till at night 12am. Then we'll meet on Sundays, around 1-2pm till 4pm. How is that enough? Do the maths and compare it to the ratio of the total number of hours in a week. Is that few hours spent together enough to share about each other's events and incidents that all occured during the whole week? It's not even enough to communicate with each other. Sometimes, I can't even remember what I wanna tell him during my weekdays.

Yes, he does call everynight. But I feel talking over the phone can't bring out the meanings and exact emotions which I wanna express to him. Over the phone, I can only hear his voice, and the frequent 'Chorus' of ccb, knn, kns lyrics spewed out generously from his bunkmates. Call me demanding, a shrew, whatever. But how am I gonna converse with him with so much interferences?

I'm disappointed. In what? Can't point my finger at it. But all I know is that, I'm so used to the disappointment that it doesn't hurt anymore. Who am I kidding myself? Why am I still waiting at home for his call on his night out to ask me out? I confess that I can't wait for school term to reopen. Cause that is when I'll be busy again, I will be burying my head in the books, loneliness will not creep into my life. I'm going to look for a vacation job after the General Elective. I'm gonna work my ass out. It doesn't matter anyway. Afterall, after work, I still go home. It's not like I've appointments to keep to. Why don't I earn more money?

I feel that I'm evolving into another person. I want a fast-paced life. I don't want life to slow down. I don't want to idle, to wait and lie to myself to stuffs that will never happen. I wanna fly...

Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

And we're you're down and feel alone,
And want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else,

Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

Any moment, everything can change.

"Collide"

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide